Wild About Writing

We’ve been hearing lately that robots are taking over more and more human functions. How about that nirvana of human interaction, automatic, untouched by human hands, instant translation?

It’s happening right now, on the web site of the French business daily la Tribune.

Go here and you’ll see the front page of the paper, and in the upper right a series of flags depicting different languages. For English, click on the Stars and Stripes (natch).

You’ll see some dazzlingly funny heads, but also, depending on the news of the day, some that make reasonably good sense.

I chose the English heading, Our Good Food to be Discovered.

“Discover each week with latribune.fr,” the English translation told me, “a good address to dine of, between professional friends or your lunches.” I clicked as directed, and then chose, A good terrace in Paris. This what what I got:

It is almost impossible to guess, since the pavement, that Fontanarosa offers a splendid shaded terrace. And yet, it is a harbor of freshness and relaxation which the owner proposes, Flavio Mascia. Surrounded by lemon trees and climbing plants, the customers benefit from softness under vast parasols which protect from the heats of the sun. As for the kitchen, it reveals all the perfumes and savors of Sardinia in which Flavio Mascia is originating.

Laugh if you will, but I got an overwhelming urge to get on a plane, fly to Paris, and find my way to what is obviously a really good sidewalk cafe. I can smell the flowers, imagine the cheekiness of the waiters, and hope that when I get the bill, it won’t put me over the limit on my credit card.

Currently, this unusual translation service is only sporadically viewable. Check it out if you can and you’ll find lots more, even more uproarious, examples.

Like the story on Ryanair’s plan to fly passengers standing up: “Ryanair loan to make travel of the passengers upright.”

The multilingual version of the web site dispenses with journalists and translaters. It relies instead on computer software that translates the original French into English, German, Spanish and Italian. Chinese and Japanese are to be added by the end of the year.

AFP, the French news agency, says the editors of La Tribune are confident that once software glitches are worked out and a human is hired to tweak the texts, the paper will gain a vast international audience.

Even Google Translate admits on its site that its output cannot “approach the fluency of a native speaker or possess the skill of a professional translator.”

Yet, I have to think it’s a mind-opening experience to gain even an imperfect translation of the day’s latest news, as seen by reporters of another language.

Of course, this innovation will be condemned by the exponents of proper writing and the correct use of language. Another cost-cutting maneauver that won’t survive the recession. Something no responsible newspaper should get into.

I’m of the school that any reading is good reading. I’ve never seen anything wrong with comic books. (They call them graphic novels now.)

Mind you, it doesn’t follow that any writing is good writing. So I don’t expect robotic translation to become the standard any time soon.